Who am I?

Who am I? What am I doing? Where do I fit in?

There were days when I would wake up and feel almost in a panic. These questions were whispering in the back of my mind. Sometimes I wondered what was real. As I moved further and further away from my past, it scared me.

I know that my journey forward is real and is my true purpose. I know that I am meant to be a healer and support the healing of this planet. I am comforted in that knowing and I trust it. However, I do still have those moments when I panic and the fear is “how am I going to support myself, is my business going to provide the financial support I need it to?” (This, by the way, is evidence of Lack consciousness remnants still in my system)

I believe the Matrix trilogy has a lot of truth in its narrative. The forces that want us to stay asleep so we can be used for battery power are strong and powerful. We don’t go through our awakening process with a pill and have it condensed into a few moments and the struggle to gain our freedom isn’t through a mechanical war but I believe these are magnificent illustrations of what goes on internally for us. It is difficult to illuminate mental and emotional struggle and that is the beauty of what Hollywood writers can do.

I have been in the process of gaining my freedom and clearing my mind from controlling programming that kept me small and feeling insignificant for the whole of my adult life. Imagine Trinity in the Matrix movie living an unawakened life, being mind-controlled to believe she is insignificant and very, very, far from perfect. What if the awakening process took longer than the pill in the movie. What if the awakening process is a slow evolution. Little by little she would find that there is more to her than she imagined. She would begin to discover that she is not so small and insignificant after all. The battle scenes in the movie help us understand that there are collateral effects to this movement of regaining ourselves and our power. It can be a turbulent time, like moving through the concentric circles of a ripple in a body of water. The key is to go through them. It may be choppier but it’s better than letting them carrying you in circles; which is what would happen if you turned and went with the motion of the water rather than crossing the wake.

I was told once to consider that I was like a propeller on a boat. “You are the propeller, not the murky and swampy water that might be around you. You’re just going through it, when you get out of the murkiness you will still be the propeller.” This is another aspect of the Ataana Method of energy healing that is important, that the healing work supports navigating life. I am clearing out that which no longer supports me and I am continuously making conscious choices to keep on moving through whatever murky or turbulent waters appear because I know that I am moving through them to clearer and calmer waters and not just going in circles either.

We all are Neo and Trinity. We all have the ability to extricate ourselves from old patterns and programs, to call all our power back to ourselves, claim our space within ourselves, and move forward in our lives more connected with the peace and harmony of the Universe.

 

Who am I? What am I doing? Where do I fit in?

I am Carole. I am healing. I am healing myself and supporting the healing of others and the planet. I fit in anywhere I want to because I am whole and complete within myself and do not need the acceptance of “fitting in” by anyone else.